its the end of year!
i still remember how in 2009 i was really so stressed i prayed everyday for 2010 to come sooner. perhaps i was just escaping from the toil of work,HP and the other burdens that really weighed me down.
somehow, this year isnt particularly happy, neither was it particularly sad...it just goes down as another year. not as eventful as the past few years though.
as inspired from falldown-n,
#01-i am really thankful that we managed to stay close even though we are in different classes. i was extremely scared that we will eventually drift apart in J1. but apparently, i was wrong and i should say we we as close. ha. being with you is a relieve for me, from everyone else. i think you bring me joy and laughter that no one else can and it kind of rejuvenates me. thank you.
#02-i am not really sure why you have this pessimistic view of yourself.the person you are online and the one you are in real life is just so different.its either you are bipolar or that you are really good at creating facades. but out of the many people i have worked with you are definitely one of the most outstanding ones. never have i seen someone whom i can hail as a true leader and someone i am willing to be led by. i am just amazed by you and you should be too.i am thankful that you let me in to your online persona(considering you dont allow many in)you are one of the better friends(if you may) i made this year.
#03to a group-thank you for being there with me this year. only this year that i manage to get to know all of you better. we form a very very exclusive clique perhaps, but sometimes i find myself a misfit due to my other commitments and due to the inherent differences between us. collectively, it was stressful to be with all of you at some points of time and i really needed solace(i hope you understand)but time spent individually with each one of you was fun, self-realising and often motivational.
#04- i thought it was least likely that we would drift apart in JC. however, we did. maybe it was because we started out with different social circles since the beginning. occasional outings did help but our interactions seem to be turning superficial. i hope we can go back to how we were like.
#05- i kind of expected that we will end up like this in JC. i suppose you had a turbulent year with your relationships and your commitments. i do hope things get better for you and that you can pick yourself up. trust yourself and follow your heart. i think that was my intended message from our last
meaningful conversation.
#06 to a 40 odd- you all definitely changed my JC life. no matter big or small, you made an impact. i got to know some of you better and i am comforted to know that you are my friends. however, there is still majority of you who do not seem to be the most accepting of me. perhaps its just the way i act, or perhaps this is the way things are meant to be. alot of you made promises. i hope that those werent just emotional responses to what happened that day. i hope you do keep those promises. i am conflicted about my relationships with each one of you. you all seem so close, yet so far. perhaps you all should just let your guard down and not let your biased judgment of people influence the way you treat others. you all struggle with trust issues, struggle with clique issues. i do not think you should impose your inner insecurities unto others. please step out of your comfort zone and you have to learn that its okay to trust. i hope i can have better relationships with more of you so that the term wont just be about work.
#07-didnt really get the chance to interact with you this year. no matter what i say of you, i hope you do understand that i think we are great working partners and i do hope that our plans do work out. perhaps with the newfound interest and social work, we can do something meaningful once more.
#08-you said that you felt close enough to me to not write anything for me. but really, i just feel that you are deliberately distancing yourself from me. i thought we had a fair working relationship and we were good friends. last time. though you say that we are close, you are subconsciously wary and scared of me. i hope things return to how they were like in the past and we can become normal, or better friends.
i hope.#09 to three-i am thankful for those 2 months. you all helped me more than i can think of. you all wanted it more than i did. i feel indebted to all of you. wouldnt it be good if all of us got in? then perhaps the term could have been better. no matter what people say of you, or us, i think we were a great team and perhaps the most bonded group. it is comforting to know that all of you found greener pastures and are enjoying what you are doing now. the whole process was perhaps the best part of my JC life. to be frank, i didnt even expect to be able to form a group with you. but everything was worth it. sometimes when i feel dejected the thought of you push me on to try my best in council. i am really thankful to have known you people. i hope that we can stay as good friends. thank you.
i suppose i typed something for everyone who mattered this year.
i sincerely hope that next year will be better.
[edit]after reading through the whole post, i realised the incoherence and the excessive use of words like "thought", "suppose", "think". perhaps subconsciously i did indeed pray that things arent the way they seem, hence the choice of words.